Poems

Hello! Today we have two poems to share from Cristan Williams-Diaz.

Cristan Williams-Diaz is the author behind TimetoEnjoyFiction.Wordpress.com, where adults and young adults are encouraged to read. They're a writer, hiker, an avid reader, singer, and animal whisperer, and they prefer using the pronouns they/them but also answering to she/her. They've always been a creative soul a writer since joining the Poetry Club in the 9th grade, these are their first published poems, and they plan to share more of their work. Cristan is the product of a Germanic/South Slavic mother and an African American father that grew up in the intersection of race, culture, generational trauma, and mental health in Los Angeles, California, with a unique insight into the experience since researching and self-diagnosing ASD and ADHD in the last few years. They're married and have no children except for Candace, a nine-year-old fur kid.

These poems are about the mixed experience (What Are You) and difficulty figuring out who you are after a highly codependent upbringing (Questions).

We strongly encourage you to check out all of this author's amazing work! If you would like to submit your own work to be published on our blog and newsletter, you can do so via email at lemniscatenewsletter@gmail.com, through our Facebook or Instagram accounts, on our Discord server, or through the form on our Linktree. Links to our social media pages, the blog/newsletter, and the form can be found here: https://linktr.ee/lemniscateblog

What are you?

Hey, you!

Can I ask you a question?

Where are you from?

No, l mean, WHERE are you from?

I know where California is, but I mean, where are YOU from?

I mean, where are your parents from?

No, no, I don't mean that.

Where are THEY from?

You know, their parents.

I'm so confused. How do you not know?

I didn't expect you to bring up slavery or old European maps I haven't seen.

This is frustrating!

I didn't expect a history lesson when all I wanted to know is...

what are you?

I couldn't tell by your features or the texture of your hair.

You're both brown and yet so fair.

Do you wear contacts?

Are those YOUR eyes?

Can I touch your hair?

I thought you were Egyptian

Dominican

Puerto Rican

Black

Maybe White?

Are you sure you're not Latina?

Hablas español?

I just don't see it.

No, you can't be mixed race.

Are those your parents?

You don't look like them.

If you have any black in you, you're black.

But you're not REALLY black.

Because you don't sound like it.

You know what I mean.

What's up with you?

All I asked was what are you.

Questions

What was I born to do?

To heal my mother's emotional wounds?

Keep my father on the path of sanity?

Give them both purposes?

Fix their relationship?

Become the great harmonizer?

Keep them both together?

Be the physical manifestation of interracial love?

Something pretty and exotic to look at?

Provide unconditional love to two broken people and their inner children?

Be the solution to all their insecurities?

Mold me into an extension of my parents?

Be my parents?

Live their lives for them?

Live a second life?

Don’t make mistakes?

Or make all of the mistakes?

Never learn who I am and what I like?

Live my life according to others' opinions?

Explain myself to everyone?

Or not explain?

Argue for the right to exist?

Or apologize for my existence?

Live in fear?

Be brave?

Be worthy?

Or always feel unworthy?

Be me but only in secret?

Or live my life out loud?

Love my body flaws and all?

Or change everything about it that's not acceptable?

Represent all of my ethnicities?

Or represent only one?

Be a walking, talking mixed race, multiracial, and multiethnic ambassador?

Or stand up for none?

Should I make them proud?

Be my ancestor's wildest dreams?

Or be a dream never imagined?

Fit into neat little phenotype and racial boxes?

Or make people uncomfortable with my ambiguity?

Be part of my racial diaspora?

Or be excluded by gatekeepers?

Take care of everyone?

Be part of my racial diaspora?

Or be excluded by gatekeepers?

Take care of everyone?

Don’t take care of myself?

Be selfless?

Or be selfish?

Be someone's one and only?

Or love more than one person at a time?

Sacrifice me to make my mother happy?

Live according to her ideals?

Or according to his?

Walk on eggshells around my partner?

Or be honest even if it hurts?

Never feel like I'm doing enough?

Or try to do it all?

Be depressed?

Or embody toxic positivity?

Relive my past trauma?

Live with constant heightened anxiety?

Or accept everyone else’s while ignoring my own?

Heal myself?

Or live in resentment and anger?

Live in guilt and shame?

Be authentically nonbinary?

Or keep being unseen in the binary?

Make everyone feel comfortable except for me?

Or make myself comfortable with me?

When is it alright to be me?

Never?