My social needs have never seemed to fit into a typical framework. I have a high level of social need while also having high levels of social anxiety. Interacting with others can be incredibly difficult for me, but I quickly feel isolated and lose touch with reality if I don’t interact with people on a consistent basis. I try to spend most of my days doing activities that involve social interaction, which has led me to frequently volunteer with various community organizations and explore the many events that are held in my town.
Throughout the past year, I have begun to acknowledge and accept the fact that I require a high degree of human connection. Given the growing body of research that suggests that connection can enhance one’s mood and undo the negative effects of stress, this doesn’t seem to be very uncommon. However, I still struggle to allow myself to pursue the level of connection that I need because I grew up with situational mutism, which led me to develop a sense of internalized exclusion and struggle to form relationships. I am afraid that interacting with others too frequently will lead to rejection, and there are still many places where I struggle to show up as my genuine self. As I gradually grow more comfortable opening up to people, one thing that helps me meet my social needs without getting overwhelmed is finding ways to feel connected to others even when I’m not interacting with them in person.
Crocheting is a hobby that I picked up a few years ago after my mother taught me how to knit. Even as a busy student, I naturally felt inclined to practice it because I could easily incorporate it into other tasks. Having something to do with my hands helped me stay focused during lengthy lectures and presentations when my mind would normally wander endlessly. As my skills developed, I began to crochet many items for my friends and family members. When I’m creating an object for someone else, it feels like I’m connecting with them every time I work on the project. It also requires me to think carefully about others’ interests so that I know I’ll make something they’ll truly enjoy. Some of my friends also crochet, and we regularly stay in touch by updating one another on our projects. Having an element of connection with this hobby helps me consistently make it a part of my life. It is much easier to find time for it when I know someone else will appreciate it or that it will give me a fun topic of conversation.
Appreciating the value that connection adds to my hobbies and goals has helped me learn to accept my desire to get to know the people around me. As an adult, the social landscape is far different from how it was when I struggled with isolation and rejection in school. Leaning into my hobbies and interests helps me meet people that I am more likely to bond with, and I would encourage anyone who is looking for more genuine connections in their life to be less afraid of expressing passion for the things they enjoy. It’s okay to show your enthusiasm and want to share the things you love, and this can be an important step in learning to unmask and honor your own needs.
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